I discovered this book on the sale table at a local book shop in March 2004 and bought it, thinking it might help me.
Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, by Lois Frankel, Ph.D. has been all that I hoped for and more. The book, in a nutshell, basically says that to get ahead in life, in career, in everything, women need to stop acting like little girls.
Replete with examples from Ms. Frankel’s consulting clients, this book gives practical, no-holds-barred evaluations of such behaviours as feeding people at the office, working too hard, asking questions instead of making statements, and “asking permission.” That last was a revelation to me.
As Ms. Frankel points out, we are all raised in a society that says you should get proper approvals before taking a step — any step. But men learn when to ask and when to just go ahead. Men learn how to apply the rubric “It’s easier to get forgiveness than to get permission.” Ms. Frankel pointes out that children, not adults, ask for permission to do perfectly rational things. I had never considered how detrimental to my career the habit of asking permission had been. But it was vividly illustrated to me at my last job.
I was always frustrated about vacation time at work; it seemed that no matter when I asked to take a day or three off, it “wasn’t a good time.” It was a complete shock to both my boss and me when I walked in the office and said, “I need to take Friday off. I will make sure that things are covered, but I cannot come in.” My boss was stunned. I was petrified…literally shaking in my shoes…but proud. I had done it. I had Made A Statement instead of Seeking Approval. And you know, he didn’t demur. He said, “Okay. Let’s talk about what needs to be done by Thursday, then.” And we went on with the day.
If you are feeling frustrated by the glass ceiling, if you feel stuck and can’t figure out why you can’t get further in your career ambitions, (and if you’re a female), this book is definitely worth the investment. It opened my eyes to things I did that I never even thought about, things that presented an image of a child, an incompetent, a minion — not the image of a competent, composed, and capable woman that I want to project. My image is now improving, and yours can too.